During the infancy stage There is one very important lesson I have learned and can pass on to all of my fellow fathers. In the beginning stages of life you are useless. You can’t do shit about it. Yes you can take the late night shift and hold the baby for a bit. Maybe you can do a little bottle feeding if need be. You can also change some diapers, help out with the odd bath but other than that you are quite useless. Until you figure it out.
I was lucky enough to have kids much later than many of my friends and relatives. This saved me lots of growing pains. My friends and relatives already suffered before me so I had all of their advice in abundance. I didn’t have to reinvent the wheel. What I learned in that beginning year was priceless but there was one piece of advice that was extra memorable.
It was probably around my third week of being a father. I was getting very frustrated. We had a child that was not a very good sleeper. I wanted to be the hero Dad and do everything with my child to make everything better. It wasn’t working. Things were getting very disastrous. The baby seemed to be bionic and not require any sleep. I was arguing with my wife very frequently and we were both exhausted.
I was out having a a beer or two with some friends who were also fairly new Dads when I unleashed my fury upon them. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was trying to be everything and all I got in return was a crying non sleeping baby and a wife that was constantly angry with me. One of my friends responded “Its probably because you are trying to focus on the baby and not on your wife. Happy wife, happy life.”
It was a eureka moment for me, As a Dad to a newborn there is really not much you can really do. You can’t be the hero, in fact your baby does not really need you. However your wife does really need you. From that day onward I focused on her. I realized there were many things I could do to keep her (and me) happy. I would take our son out for walks so she could get some sleep. If he was having a very long night I would put him in the car and drive around so he’d fall asleep and more importantly my wife could sleep too. There are many other things you could do but the main goal is to somehow someway make sure your wife can have some time for herself (mainly to get some sleep).
I remember very clearly one day when I was about to go to work after a very tough night. Our boy was not sleeping at all. He would go down for about thirty minutes and then wake up and cry for 45 minutes. This happened all night. As I was leaving I noticed that my wife was propped up on the bed with the baby in her arms as her head was bobbing in and out of sleep. Something had to be done but as a teacher it is very hard to call in sick last minute.
I quickly remembered another fast and true rule about newborns. You can use them as an excuse to get out of absolutely every situation. I quickly called into our school office and frantically explained that the baby was extremely sick and throwing up everywhere. I further explained that I needed to take him into the hospital right away and unfortunately could not come into work.
The office staff consoled me and explained that they could cover for me and everything would be all right. Just make sure you take care of your ailing son. A perfect spontaneous plan. I was able to rescue my wife from a day that she was completely dreading. I took our baby boy out all day and hung out with him while she got the rest and sleep that she needed and deserved. It was a double victory day! I got to hang out with my little boy and have some quality time with him while my wife was loving me for being the hero.
I learned a lot during that first year of being a Dad but the main thing that I learned and now pass onto you is take care of your significant other under all circumstances. That is your first year (or two year) mission. Babies don’t need you. Your wife does.
Father Fables Introduction 